A Woman Without A Man Is Like A Fish Without A Bicylce

And somehow we all love our bicycles.

A large part of changing venues , chapters or paths in your life is revising all of the relationships you have. If you ask me this is one of those irrational and totally useless human processes; as even the slightest shift in what you are doing with your life can send you into a spiral of introversion, anxiety and existential crisis. And of course by you I mean me.

I don't tend to think of the effect a major change will have on my life rationally, so when I set out to start University (around June) I didn't prepare myself for practical things like how will my boyfriend still fit into my life or how will the dynamics of my friendships change. Instead, I felt it somehow necessary to redefine myself from the beginning. Somewhere along that train of thought I was... derailed.

What brings this up is of course, the new light in which my relationship with a certain friend, Tal, has been transformed into what is officially being dubbed boyfriend. Oh dear god, you are thinking, she has done it again. I know this because it is what I am thinking too.

When I think about where I was shortly before I came to Toronto I can't help but wonder if I relate better to others, or if at that point I redefined myself a little too much. It is increasingly possible that any minor self-identity crisis is born from the need for my brain to acknowledge history and present circumstance without belittling one or the other. Add to that a sense of general anxiety and the belief that the worst is destined to happen and you come up with my current state of mind. After everything that has happened in the last 4 years, the last 18 years and certainly the last month, have I progressed at all?


I post this only because I am becoming increasingly aware that this same (or similar) thought is on the mind of more than a few people around me. I don't have an answer right now. I don't know that there is one, just a dim reflection of yourself in a mirror.

What I do have is my damned relentless faith. And, although it is a cheesy Starwars shout-out, a new hope.

Sam

Suggested listening: Love, Love, Love -The Mountain Goats
Suggested reading: First Corinthians 13